When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
