we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
