Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
