Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize