I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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