Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
