The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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