What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize