the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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