Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
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Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
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How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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