I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize