I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I cut my penus on the lid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
