I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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