How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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