there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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