He told me they were just razor bumps!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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