I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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