My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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