im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
