My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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