I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
