Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drake has all the answers
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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