Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
