haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
