I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
