Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
