when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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