her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My feet surprised me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
