And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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