The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
