She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
