i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
