What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
