Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
home. puking in laundry basket.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
