Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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