Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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