Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
