seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
