the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize