just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
