so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
