Fine. I'll sleep in my office
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
