just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
