Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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