I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
