Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
