I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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