and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
