I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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