I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
