all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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