i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
