so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
