And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
worst night to have a conscience
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
