there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
