singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
worst night to have a conscience
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
