Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
