Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We need to get me chipped asap
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
