So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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