My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
