you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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