i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
