Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
