The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
