Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
