Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
