What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
