I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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