I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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