We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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