Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
