I'm eating all of the evidence.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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