Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
