How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
