So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he thought i was a dude.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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