can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
