I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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