So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
