Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
