don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
